Now that I have officially mastered the gym (cuz ya’ll know I’ve been there at least 5 times since 1974), I have taken on another challenge. Come Monday morning, I get new eyes. Eyes without glasses, that is.
This is a huge deal. I’ve had glasses since the third grade, ya’ll. That’s like a billion years ago, so you can imagine how blind I am now. Seriously, if I knock my glasses off the nightstand, I’m screwed. I have to call in special op forces just to help find them on the carpet 3 feet down. It’s a dire situation if you ask me.
But I decided to take control of my handicap and dadgum fix it. So I go to the eye doc today for a pre-screening just to see if I am a good candidate or not. Cuz apparently not everyone gets the pleasure of spending $3000 on surgery.
First test was one to measure the size of my cornea. I had to stick my face up to a screen and focus on a red light and not blink for five seconds. And I swear to you, I can totally not blink for five seconds easy until someone tells me not to blink for five seconds. Then it’s nigh on impossible.
Turns out, though, my eyes are healthy and happy and ready to go. Albeit blind as a bat, but who cares about that now? On Monday morning, I will be a 20/20 goddess and nothing will stop me. I will be untouchable. Invincibile. In short …
Superhuman.
She cooks, she cleans, she walks the treadmill at 1.7 miles per hour …
I mean, how much more superhuman can I be?
Cuz just this past weekend, Brad and I were at the lake sitting down on the dock having some lunch when I told him I may be 33 but I can do anything your average 16 year old can do.
Then I had him help me up off the floor.
Whaaaaa….? You try getting up from ground zero after eating a huge meal. That’s practically an Olympic sport right there.
But back to eyes. So excited about storing away my glasses for good. Not so excited about the bill that shall linger on for the next five friggin’ years. However, a small price to pay for freedom.
And donations are always welcome.
lorraine said,
August 13, 2008 @ 5:34 pm
wow, congrats!!!
you could go to canada and pay 1/2 price. that is what we new englanders do but we are closeby
brad said,
August 15, 2008 @ 2:49 pm
well for Lorraine that means your onyle getting 10/10 vision which actually Equals 40/40 when were talking eyes sight!
JK
As for Superhuman those guys AND girls still need a trusty Side Kick Yo!